Public Transportation . . . Sautéed

Every day there are 1.2 attempted suicides within the Paris metro system. And today was the first successful one since I`ve lived here. Lucky for me, I barely experienced all the chaos and re-routing that came with closing down part of the metro. I was leaving the bank on my way back home and was pleasantly surprised to find out the metro station I was at was also a stop for line B of the RER (the RER is an underground train similar to the metro only it`s faster, has fewer stops, and continues well beyond the borders of Paris) which is the line I try to take as much as possible because it`s so quick and efficient. However, I did in fact find out that line 4 of the metro was shut down somewhere along the route which normally is the line I take to get home if the RER isn`t most efficient (line B of the RER runs straight through the center of Paris and if I`m anywhere near the very center [Chatelet] I take the RER one stop to Gare du Nord [my stop] but if I`m not in the straight line of fire of the RER I simply take all the other metro lines making various stops and connections till I finally reach my destination God-knows-how-many-minutes later). But that`s all beside the point. The point is, someone jumped in front of one of the metros today and killed himself. The only way I was directly affected was I saw a sign indicating line A of the RER was being rerouted for one reason or another. However, many of my classmates informed me that it took them anywhere from 2 hours onwards to get somewhere that would normally only take 20 minutes. It`s an unfortunate situation, but I have seen so many creepy, drugged out wack jobs in the metro stations that I am not surprised in the slightest that one of them actually jumped. I will be surprised, however, if I find out drugs were not involved. Paris is so amazing, someone would have to be on some hardcore drugs not to love it here.

But anyway, glad I avoided it. And since I`m on the subject of transportation I might as well put in my two cents. For as much as I love the public transportation here because it is so easy and efficient, I absolutely HATE it. I`m sure my feelings towards the metro are a little biased right now 1) due to the suicide and 2) due to the fact that I had the most miserable metro experience of my life today . . . but France seriously needs to discover air conditioning like ASAP! When leaving the bank today I got totally lost trying to find the metro station because I got to the bank a different way than I was leaving and walked around the city for about 20 minutes before I finally saw the beautiful M that hovers above every stairwell to the metros (mind you it wasn`t even the metro station I originally was looking for). I decided to wear my Steve Madden boots today, which definitely was not the brightest idea seeing as the high was 86ºF today. But after walking around in the sun sweating for 20 minutes, then climbing up and down staircase after staircase, then sitting in a hot, stuffy, crowded metro before getting on an even hotter, stuffier, more crowded RER train, I was absolutely DRIPPING in sweat. Which is definitely never comfortable, but I was also wearing a thin white shirt today so by the time I FINALLY got home (not after getting lost AGAIN leaving Gare du Nord because I thought another good idea would be to leave the station a different way than usual to see where it spit me out . . . which was no where near my house and in the ghetto !) I looked like I had just finished competing in a wet tee-shirt contest . . . and lost. I don`t think I have ever jumped into a shower quicker than today in my entire life. I might have still been wearing clothes for all I remember. All I know is if I didn`t get into a pool of icy cold water PRONTO then I would have spontaneously combusted due to overheating.

And today is not an isolated experience, it simply was one of the worst because today was the hottest day I`ve experienced thus far. But I specifically do not wear certain outfits because I know there is a 90% chance that I will be sweating profusely on the metro and said outfits would not be very flattering with sweat marks all over them. But I do have a new sympathy for the French and their horrible B.O. It seems unavoidable at times especially like today (Okay, so I`m exaggerating just a LITTLE bit. I NEVER smell, and I RARELY have sweat stains, but that does not change the fact that I feel beads of sweat rolling down my stomach or back and constantly am flipping my hair from side to side to keep it from sticking to my hot sticky skin. But if I can figure out how not to smell, so can the French).

But there are in fact ways around the grueling metro rides. I`ve learned to always get in the back of the cars because the windows are almost always open so the further back in the train you are, the more of a draft you catch. I also investigate the cabs before the train stops and redirect my route to the less crowded cars if one is noticeably more full than the others. It`s also a little cooler if you stand opposed to sit, so if I am having a "hot day" I choose always to stand even if there are millions of places to sit. I purposely keep something in my purse or bag at all times that can be used as a fan (folded worksheets, Paris guide, my cell phone . . . ) in cases where fanning myself with my hands simply won`t suffice. And really at the end of the day, it becomes bearable. My first few days riding the metro I could never stop complaining about how hot and uncomfortable they were. But in more recent days I`ve learned to just accept it. I think knowing and anticipating what I`m about to be exposed to helps mentally prepare my body to keep cool.

All of this aside, the metro has its perks. France has this holiday called Every-Hot-Boy-In-Paris-Rides-The-Same-Metro-As-Me Day and it comes around every couple of days. And naturally, since France did cater the holiday to my taste, I seem to never be hot or uncomfortable when those days come around so I`m always looking my best ;). And of course it`s efficient, and cheap, and easy to figure out, and blah blah all the practical stuff. But I find that people watching is just so entertaining on the metro. Better than airports cos the metro attracts the crazy foreign weirdos and the crazy weird locals like gypsies with mustaches and unibrows.

I think one of my favorite metro rides so far was the other night I was on my way to my friend Ross' house before going out and there was a bachelor party in the same car as me. And bachelor parties in Paris are hilarious because all the boys dress up the groom in hideous outfits (I`ve seen one guy dressed head to toe in a full on full body tiger suit) that are really embarrassing and unflattering and they run around Paris making a scene . . . singing, dancing, laughing, raising havoc. And the sole purpose is to humiliate the bachelor and put him in uncomfortable situations. So the bachelor party I was "with" asked me what song I wanted them to sing and they would sing it - no exceptions. And me, not knowing a single French song I could tell them, told them I didn`t want them to sing I wanted them to dance. So the bachelor got all into it and started swinging around one of the poles that people use for balance and turned the metro car into a strip club. Entertaining to say the least. I think I`ll be sending my future husband-to-be to Paris for his bachelor party . . . as long as he promises not to jump.