Priorities

So I just finished completely cleaning out my room. My dad and uncle already came and moved out all my furniture and what not but a lot of my clothes and miscellaneous items I managed to collect over the year still remained. So today I boxed up what was left, packed for Hawaii, and cleaned my room inside out. I`m talking scrubbed the floorboards and walls, windowsills, doors, floor, everything. Something that I nevvvvvver do. So now I`m sitting in my completely empty room (except for me, my computer and cell phone) and even though the room is empty now, it feels so much smaller. Then I started to think about it and next year I`m wanting to live in a studio apartment in Paris by myself till I meet people I want to live with. And in all reality, my entire APARTMENT for next year is without a doubt going to be smaller than my ROOM this year. To put it into perspective for you...

My room in my house with 4 other girls: 247 square feet. That does not include the 3 other bedrooms, the two bathrooms, living room, family room, dining room, kitchen, laundry room area, or dungeon.
The average size of a studio apartment in Paris in my price range: 140-160 square feet.

Wow. Talk about downsize. Kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and living room all wrapped up into a space the fraction of the size of my room. Well, I guess that might be enough space for the necessities; my closet right now is about the same size, I can manage. Besides, who needs a kitchen or bed anyway? Sleeping and eating are soOoOo overrated ! ;D

And so it begins...

As of today I leave for Paris in exactly two months and one week. I`d say about a month and a half ago I was able to honestly say that I couldn`t wait to leave and I was so excited and had absolutely no hesitations or reservations. All of that began to change when I started meeting with various advisers, scheduling doctors appointments, receiving larger checks than I`ve ever seen in my life, taking pictures for my visa, making copies of my passport, filling out stacks and stacks of paperwork, and particularly signing a document declaring who my beneficiary was going to be. I guess you could say my feelings towards leaving all started to change once it became real.


Up until this point all I`ve ever wanted to do was run off to Paris, become a Parisienne, fit in perfectly with the culture, have a trendy apartment in the upscale 8th arrondissement, make the most fabulous memories of my life, and hell I`ll admit it, fall in love. The reality of the situation and the magnitude of what I`m actually doing has been completely jaded by all my fantasies of an ideal life in Paris. I completely ignored the demanding coursework I will surely face, the sharp contrast in classroom structure, the solitude, the loneliness, the insanely high rent prices, the cold winters (hey, I don`t even own a jacket !). Not to mention the fact that I`ll most likely only be able to bring half of my wardrobe and an even smaller fraction of my shoes. My future life in Paris is undoubtedly going to be much less luxurious than I`ve been imagining and not gonna lie, it`s hard to get excited about settling for reality when I set the bar at "in my dreams."


But all of this aside, I can`t help but fall asleep every night smiling to myself and laughing at the jokes I make in my head when having pretend conversations with my pretend future friends. I can`t help but play every French CD I own on repeat in my car everywhere I go. I can`t help but nonchalantly remind everyone I know that I won`t be here next year because I`ll be in Paris. Yeah I`m going to miss my friends and family, yeah I`m scared shitless and yeah I know it`s gonna be hard. But at the end of the day no matter how much I bitch and complain about everything I`m going to miss and how sad I am, I am exactly where I want to be, I`m doing exactly what I`ve wanted to do my entire life, I`m doing something that hardly anybody gets the chance to do, and I am creating my own destiny. Now that is absolutely something to be excited about.