Déjà Vu

Exactly one week from today I`m heading back to Paris. A year ago I never would have imagined that I would willingly separate myself from the ones that I love the most for another year. It`s a strange feeling recognizing how I felt last year compared to how I feel this year. Last year everything was new, foreign, unknown. This year everything is familiar, routine, my home.

Paris has in fact become my home. I feel more at ease and more myself in Paris than I have ever felt anywhere in my life. I have finally grasped the country, the culture, the language. I have established myself, made my own friends, and fallen in love.

All of these things are a dream come true for the person I was a year ago- heading into an unknown world where nothing could be expected. I remember feeling so lost, so out of place, yet at the same time seeing the person that I was going to become. A person who knew Paris, understood herself, but always wanted more.

And maybe that`s what brings me here again. From the beginning I knew California was not big enough for me. I knew I needed to get out and see what the world had to offer. And now that I`ve seen so much, America suddenly seems so small.

The girl before Paris seems so naïve, so foreign, someone that I no longer know. And maybe I will never know her again, maybe I will never know myself. Maybe I will never find the satisfaction that I am looking for, but Life is not about being satisfactory. Life is not about being complacent. Life is not about knowing exactly who you are and where you are going. That is the beautiful thing about this track we are all on. We are constantly growing. We are vigorously finding our place in this world. And we are never asked to stop.

So that`s it. I will not stop here. I will not stop in America. I will not stop in Paris. I will not stop as long as God continues to give me life on this earth. I will continue to learn, continue to dwell in cultures that are not inherently my own, and continue to cultivate my own person and my own perspective and know that there is a place for me in this world. Even if some areas are proactively trying to push me out, I know that no obstacle is worth giving up hope. Because I am proactively shaping my life, and I can only hope that Fate and Destiny are on my side.